Czechoslovakian Cow Chocolate. Also, Alpine Milk? Yum!

So my dad brought me this milk chocolate from the Czech Republic.  (If you ever want to win my heart, buy me milk chocolate.  It's my favorite.)  Anyway, this chocolate is called "Happy Cows".  It came in a purple wrapper with a purple cow on it.  Also, in the lower left-hand corner, there's definitely an icon of the wrapper being unzipped.

Because that's how you open chocolate bars in the Czech Republic.

Also, cows are purple there.  Clearly.

Czech it out! (That's a pun, not a typo, you uncultured swine.)

So I was looking at this chocolate, trying to decide if I should be all giddy because now I have a whole entire bar of "Alpine Milk and White Chocolate" (is that two different things?  White Chocolate and Alpine Milk?) or completely weirded out because, WTF, "Happy Cows Alpine Milk and White Chocolate".  Also that zipper thing is really strange.

Then I flipped it over and thought "Geez, those Czechs are really dumb" because I found another icon.  This one is a detailed diagram—it's color coordinated—of how to open the package.  (Please take a moment to admire the alliteration in that sentence; it's beautiful.)

Ohh, that's how you do it...

That's my quizzical face.  Now that I've uploaded it, I realize it looks more frustrated than quizzical, so I took this one to show you my frustrated face:

I don't think my neck will ever be at that angle again.

Digression over.  Back to the Happy Cow Chocolate.  And the Alpine Milk.  (It's probably even better than Whole Milk!)

So after I got over how dumb the Czechs are, I opened the chocolate bar so that I could have a piece.  (Okay, I opened the chocolate bar wrapper.  You don't open chocolate bars.  You open doors, yes, and jars, and even a wound sometimes, but it's hard to open a chocolate bar.)  When I opened it (the wrapper, that is) I discovered the most amazing discovery that has ever been discovered.  Ever.

This is my "AW HOW CUTE; COW SPOTS" face.

IT HAS COW SPOTS ON IT!

Like, COW SPOTS!  I think it's adorable.

Also, my "AW HOW CUTE; COW SPOTS" face may kind of look like a "MY PUPPY JUST DIED" face.  I'll warrant that someone's "MY PUPPY JUST DIED" face may look like the face I'm making in that picture, however my "MY PUPPY JUST DIED" face looks a little more like this one:

Waaah, my puppy just died!

My puppy didn't really just die.  I'm just a really good actress.

Anyway YEAH, COW SPOTS!

Also guys, I changed my mind.  If you ever want to win my heart, regular milk chocolate won't do.  It has to be Czechoslovakian Cow Chocolate.

Czechoslovakian Cow Chocolate, or no deal.