This Post Started Out Being About My Anger, But Then It Turned Into Being About My Boyfriend

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I was delaying writing about Romeo and Juliet. I didn't want to write too soon for fear I would write something mean, so I waited for a bit before I cooled down. Then once I cooled down I waited a little longer just to make sure I was really cooled down.

I wasn't.

But guess what? I don't care anymore. This was the last role that I wanted—and the only role of the three that I actually thought I had a shot at. I don't care if I offend anyone. I don't care if I make some enemies. I'm mad.

I don't think I'm going to get over this. I had to hide my head in my lap today in rehearsal because I started crying. Nothing had happened to make me cry, other than I don't have the role.

I don't have anything else comprehensible to say about this. My mind is a confusing mess of anger and sadness. Right now, I want nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. Just disappear. Discontinue to be.

Sounds pathetic, I know, but I've lost my motivation to do anything. The rest of my high school career will be filled with regrets. I will look back on this show and ask myself "why not?".

I'm starting to realize how bad this all sounds. I'm hoping my director never finds this, or that if he does he doesn't automatically assume it's me.

I JUST FEEL SO ROBBED!!

I have done every single show that we've done at my school. I acted in all of the shows except one, and I made a point of doing tech work for that one so that my director realized that I was committed to theater. Then he went and retired, and all my hard work was for naught.

But my great and wonderful boyfriend (who is great and wonderful) just recommended a band to me (I Fight Dragons) and I'm 57 seconds into "The Faster The Treadmill" and I can't feel angry anymore.

I love him. <3