exde: Why I Love Pigeons

Sometimes I bring up random things that I like that I know many other people generally don't like, or are at least indifferent toward. Like pigeons. And every time I bring up something like this, like pigeons, I get all kinds of arguments for why I'm wrong. When my Latin class took a trip to Italy back in February, we visited St. Mark's Square. If you've never been there before, you should know that it's FILLED with pigeons. It's kind of overwhelming. In college towns, the squirrels are generally uninterested in humans, unless they have food for them. They are certainly not frightened of them, though, like most small wild animals usually are. That's kind of like how it is with the pigeons in St. Mark's except there are A BILLION of them. And if you have anything that even closely resembles something edible, they will be your BEST FRIEND.

Check it:

This is totally normal.

Oh, hi there, little buddy.

JESUS.

So pigeons. They're kind of crazy. But just so you know, I never once got pecked, bitten, chewed on, or otherwise abused by any one of them. It was totally fine. It was more than fine. It was actually pretty fun. After this expedition with the pigeons, we met back up in a big group with the rest of the class, and I told my teacher, Jason, all about the pigeon adventure. And you know what he said when he saw these pictures?

"Ew".

"Ew?" I said. Why "ew", I wondered.

"They're dirty. Pigeons are just rats with wings."

Remember what I said about bats? I like them because I like hamsters, and bats are just hamsters with wings. Well...

I like rats, too. So if pigeons are just rats with wings, doesn't that make them better? The answer is yes. If you disagree, you are free to go. If, however, you, like I, adore pigeons, read on my good friends. Read on.

1. Pigeons are smart

In crowded cities (like Venice, or like New York or Chicago) you are likely to see pigeons wandering around. If you add a park bench or two and a couple of old people, and some bird seed to the equation,

you get pandemonium. Or at least a flock of pigeons begging for food. Since moving to the city I've noticed that most people won't feed pigeons in a public area, at least when there are a lot of people around, because many people find it annoying. But that doesn't stop people from eating in those public areas, and if you eat something particularly crumbly, like bread or chips, the pigeons will flock to you anyway, and pick your scraps off the ground. They know you've got food, and they know they can eat it. But that's not the really clever part.

Today after class I bought a scone at the Barnes and Noble Student Center across the street, then sat down on some benches outside. There were two pigeons that kept hopping up onto the bench next to me and looking at me with their sad, hungry, pigeon eyes, begging me for food. But I didn't want to bother the people next to me, so I ignored them, and they went away. But then a third pigeon showed up. I noticed him because he was hopping around on one foot.

"Oh, poor guy," I thought. "He's injured." And with a quick glance to make sure there were no other pigeons around who would notice my generosity, I bent down and placed a little crumb of my scone on the ground, right near my foot, so I could hide it if some stronger, less-injured pigeon decided to take advantage of his injured brother and snatch it up. And you know what happened? The injured pigeon put his goddamned foot on the ground and walked over to the scone crumb, held it in his mouth, then picked his foot back up and looked at me, daring me to make him give it back. That stupid pigeon was faking an injury to get me to give him food. And it worked.

I could not stop laughing. Neither could the old guy next to me. We just laughed and laughed until the pigeon walked calmly away, then picked his foot up again and hobbled over to his next unsuspecting victim.

2. Pigeons aren't mean

My family takes a vacation to Maine every summer, and invariably, on at least one day of our vacation, some group of teenage girls next to us decides they want to feed the seagulls. So they throw a handful of chips on the ground and suddenly there are twenty squawking seagulls flapping their wings at each other and pecking the smaller ones and doing everything they can to make sure they are the ONLY ONES who get to eat today.

While I was watching the pigeons today, I noticed that they don't do that. First of all, they're much quieter on a whole than seagulls are. It's "coo, coo" as opposed to "RWAA-AA-AA-AA". Which would you prefer? The gentle cooing? Me too.

There was a guy across from me, talking on the phone and eating a sandwich. A little piece of lettuce fell and the two pigeons I mentioned earlier both went after it. Where a pair of seagulls in the same situation would peck and squawk at each other until one of them either dropped the lettuce or escaped with his prize, the pigeons just sat there. The first pigeon picked up the lettuce, took a bite out of it, then let the rest fall back to the ground while he swallowed his bite. And while he swallowed his bite, the second pigeon picked up the piece of lettuce, took his bite, then dropped the rest to the ground while he swallowed it. And this went on, back and forth, until the lettuce was gone. They just stood there, sharing a scrap of lettuce, like brothers.

3. They're helpless romantics

Just Google "pigeons love" right now. Just do it.