Friday, October 19, 2012

Better Writing—A Drinking Game


Fanfiction Writing Drinking Game
A.K.A. How to Write Better

Note: this is intended to be used by authors writing sex scenes.  I wrote this to entertain myself.  If it offends you, you probably suck at writing anyway so I don't care.

Take one sip when
·      your character is drunk
·      you use the word “orbs”, “hues”, or “pools” instead of “eyes”.
·      you refer to someone by the color of their hair
·      you refer to someone by their profession
·      you refer to someone by anything other than their names or their pronouns
·      you use a word other than “said” to signify that a character said something
·      your characters have sex more than once in a chapter
·      you use the word “said” to be fancy
o   ex: Ian pushed everything off the desk than hoisted Sarah onto said desk.
·      one character “widens (character)’s entrance” with their fingers
·      a character “cries out in pain and pleasure”
·      you use “their”, “they’re” and “there” wrong
·      you use “your” and “you’re” wrong
·      you write “minuet” instead of “minute” (a minuet is a type of song)
·      you write “viscous” instead of “vicious” (viscous refers to the density of liquid)
·      you spell “serious” wrong
·      you use a coma-splice, sentence fragment, or run on

Take two sips when
·      your character is drunk when they have sex with someone
·      you explicitly state information that can be assumed
o   ex: the use of a condom
o   ex: the use of lubricant
·      you use the word “member”, “organ”, “manhood”, or “length” to describe a penis
·      your character is aching “with longing for (character)”
·      your character is aching “to be filled by (character)”
·      you write about something you have never done
o   common themes include smoking, drinking, having sex
·      you write phonetically
o   ex: “Iiiiiiian”, Sarah moaned
o   ex: “Aaaaaaaah”, Ian cried
·      your characters don’t have sex on a bed when one is convenient, unless the characters make the conscious decision to avoid one

Down it in one when
·      your story/chapter ends and no one has said “I love you”.