The Woes of Pantyhose

It is my opinion as of Sunday, April 23rd, 2011, that there are only two excuses for pantyhose. (Don't hold me to that in a few years; my opinions have been known to change. I used to firmly believe that there was never any excuse for leggings to be worn as pants, but I am now the proud owner of two pairs of "Jeggings", one of which I am wearing right now.)

Anyway, as of right now, I believe there are only two reasons to wear pantyhose. They are as follows:

1. Theater

I never wore pantyhose EVER before I started high school theater and it became a requirement for every girl to wear pantyhose. (Not sure why that is).

2. Church/Parties

I lump the two together because both usually require you to look good in someone else's house.

Other than those two instances, I can't think of any other example of me wearing pantyhose.

Let's go back to No. 1 for a moment. Theater. Seeing as I never wore pantyhose before I started theater, I never owned any. When I did my first show, my mom and I went out and bought two pairs of pantyhose. They were both ripped and unusable by the time the show ended, so when the next show came around I had to go out and buy two more pairs. This became a sort of tradition for me. When dress rehearsals came around, my mom and I went out and bought two pairs of pantyhose.

Somehow my two pairs from Little Shop came out relatively unscathed, and the same with my two pairs from Pride and Prejudice at the end of last year. I didn't need any for Romeo and Juliet since I was playing a boy, and we haven't gotten into dress rehearsals for Rhinoceros yet, so I haven't had to use them since Little Shop.

Now, on a stage one can usually get away with having one or two tears in a pair of pantyhose, but in church it's not quite so simple. People are closer, and they will JUDGE those tears. So you really need to have either a brand new pair, or a pair that you have kept in such good shape that they are immaculate anyway.

Well it's Easter today, which requires church-going.

My family doesn't go to church as often as we should. Maybe if we went more or less every week I'd have more good pairs of pantyhose.

But we don't.

And I don't.

Out of my four leftover pairs, none of them are immaculate.

I pulled them out of my drawer one at a time and examined each for holes. The first three had small tears on the legs which would be fine for the stage, but, again, not for church.

Finally, the last pair I pulled out looked pretty good, except for a bit of wear at the toes. But really no one was going to be looking at my toes.

But you're not just standing or walking around at church, as you would be at a party. At church you sit down, kneel down, sit up, stand up, sit, stand, sit, stand, kneel, sit, kneel, stand, etc. For over an hour.

Pantyhose aren't very strong. It's amazing how fast they can grow a rip. After an hour, the little tear that was at my toe at the beginning of church had grown all the way up to my knee by the end.

FFFFFFF!!

I have now retired yet another pair of pantyhose.

At least Jeggings don't tear.

PIXIES

So last night Eli and I went to see the Pixies. Since obviously everyone knows who the Pixies are, I don't have to talk about how awesome the concert was. All I really have to say (other than "it was awesome") is that I got a shirt:

But you probably don't all know about Imaginary Cities. They're the band who opened for the Pixies last night, and they were REALLY awesome. They're also new—I think they said they were 8 months old—which is impressive.

I tried to hide a link in that image, but it didn't work, so I'm going to hide it in the word "here" instead. You'll never find it! It's such a good hiding job.

Anyway, you should check them out, because they are basically the most awesome ever. Yeah.

Friar Lawrence

As you know, we're doing Romeo and Juliet. We've got some potted plants in Friar Lawrence's greenhouse. They're just rectangular boxes that sit on the edges of the stage. Most of them are just like, normal plants, but one of them is pretty awesome.

If you don't get it I'm not explaining it to you.

Also, hey look!

Math

I love my math class. Well, no. I love several of the people in my math class. I sit with Molly, Libby, and Nathanael, and we basically do nothing the entire time and still it's awesome.

There's also the girl Hannah who sits two to the left of Nathanael. She's one of those really smart but also really nice people. She's a G.

So there are some pretty great people in my math class, but that's not what this post is about. It's really about my math notes. I just wanted to show you guys how I take notes in math class.

Up at the top there is my math teacher saying "Mean, Median, and Mode: Measures of Center".  I don't know when we decided he's an owl, but he is. My earlier pictures of him make him look like a chicken, until today when I literally googled "OoT Owl" and drew Kaepora Gaebora's eyebrows.

The last bubble there goes with the next picture:

This is still Mo the Owl talking about math stuff. He's teaching us about Expected Outcome. Then there at the bottom, with the Box and Whiskers plot, is Dr. Horrible. I just decided it was time for Dr. Horrible to teach me something.

I was always so confused about the box and whiskers plots, because why are the whiskers so lopsided? They should be called sticks, or like, uneven lines. Don't try to be creative about it if it's not even going to be accurate.

So I took this picture demonstrating what a cat with whiskers like that would look like:

Those are my lopsided whiskers.

Anyway, here's the last page of notes, where Mo teaches us about Standard Deviation:

Mo: Standard Deviation—a standard to express how far from the norm (mean) you (your data) really are!

Dr. H: 6,8,7,5,10,6,9,8,4
Mean (xbar) = 7
x-xbar (Each value minus xbar (7)).
-1, 1, 0, -2, 3, -1, 2, 1, -3

Mo: Now square them!

Me: Really, Mo?

Mo: 1, 1, 0, 4, 9, 1, 4, 1, 9

Dr. H: Add them up and divide by # of No.'s.
30/9 = 3.333... = sigma squared = Variance = WE'RE STILL NOT DONE.
sigma = standard deviation.

So those are my notes. Aren't they fabulous?

In other news, look at how much of a total lesbian I am today:

The Difference

Here's the difference between waking up on time and knowing you'll be able to get out of the house when you have to, and waking up about fifty minutes late and knowing it's a lost cause:

When you wake up on time, you go though your routine as normal.

6:00

Wake up, make my way to the bathroom. Stick my head under the sink for about five minutes. Wash face. Blow-dry hair, style. Do makeup. Brush teeth. Etc.

6:20

Head back to my room. Get dressed. Gather together anything from my room that I want for school; books etc.

6:30

Breakfast. Start Cream of Wheat, make coffee. Cream of Wheat is ready at 6:40. Eat.

6:50

Check facebook, etc. Gather all of school things into bag.

7:00

Start car (in the winter) to let it warm up. Grab a bag of Goldfish for a snack.

7:10

Leave.

Now, one would think that when I wake up fifty minutes late, this schedule would transpose itself perfectly, adding fifty minutes to each scheduled time. Right?

Wrong.

Since I woke up fifty minutes late, my body knows for sure it's not going to make it out the door at 7:10. Therefore it just takes the time it needs to do whatever it needs to do.

Why then, does my schedule look like this?

6:50

Wake up, get to bathroom, stick head in tub (it's faster than the sink), blow-dry hair, don't bother with makeup.

7:00

Change pants, don't bother changing shirt I slept in.

7:05

Start coffee. Start breakfast. Cream of Wheat. Take off heat early because I can stand it being a little more soupy as long as there's enough sugar in it.

7:10

Eat

7:20

Coffee in mug, I can deal with having no Goldfish today, leave.

I woke up fifty minutes late, and left ten minutes late.

Seeing as I usually have about fifteen minutes to spare when I get in to school in the morning, I should get in five minutes early for class.

Except I got stuck in traffic.

And ended up getting in fifteen minutes late.

So that means I got in thirty minutes later than usual because I woke up fifty minutes late and left ten minutes late.

...Math...?

Good Day So Far

I started out this day with a nice bowl of Cream of Wheat eaten with my left hand (just because I felt like it) while I checked Facebook.

My sister drove me in so I didn't have to wear a coat.

I was able to leave math early—because I kick ass at probabilities—and go across the street to Sweetwaters. I got hot chocolate and finished my Science homework

But really the best part of my day so far was at the beginning of math, when that girl Hannah said "Etsie, your shirts are always so cute!"

Now, I don't usually think that my shirts are particularly cute, but the last time I was in math class with her I was wearing a corset my friend Lizzie made me two-ish years ago, and she said that that one was cute, too. So really it's not that my shirts are always so cute, it's just that the last two shirts she has happened to see me wearing are cute.

Also she likes my earrings.

Remember those?

So yeah, good day so far.

MYSTERY!!

So, my mom ordered some prints of pictures of Little Shop, taken on the final dress rehearsal. They're all pretty spectacular. Especially this one:

We're holding hands and my makeup looks AWESOME. So I've got the bruise still, but whatever. And okay, he's wearing that dorky hat, but at least he only wears it in one scene.

Wait... Hold on... He wears that hat to kill Orin, literally for ONE SCENE, then it falls off his head and he never wears it again. And I'm not in the scene that he's killing Orin in.

Maybe he wore that hat in a scene or two before Orin died, but why am I holding hands with him if Orin's not dead yet? That doesn't make any sense.

And another thing! I'm only wearing that outfit up until just before Somewhere That's Green. Proof—here's me doing Somewhere That's Green:

And here are the only other two pictures of me in that outfit; both from before Somewhere That's Green:

AND ANOTHER THING!

That bruise! Here's the first picture I have from act two:

The bruise is gone. So that means this picture has to be from before act two, but also after Orin dies. Or rather, during the scene in which he dies.

Here's the conversation Eli and I had about the picture:

Aliens. It's the only logical explanation. Aliens.